9.20.09

the mess of you in my bed,
the whole spread out fling of us
in this weary world where
we topple each other and
our topographies combine,
make new wavy maps like
marbled paper, where we
shimmer and swirl, become
untraceable light
_____________________________

god, grant me more than serenity,
grant me sovereignty to know that
i am always my own, and no one’s.
grant me the will to disbelieve and be
proven wrong, to give space like a
spray of flowers and love myself like
the sky seems to love the wings of
raptors, the cries of starlings.

how i want to call you honey,
by any other name your nectar
(drink of the gods) would be as
sweet. but you bite, like whiskey
leave me
intoxicated by your warm breath
your cold cheek, diverted eyes
ring out: go now before...

and when you sleep, behind your eyes
i battle, the forgiveness of sinners; saints,
and wake up with blood in my hands
like a tempura paint mosaic in the
making. love, you stain me for days.

and how with my iris, cones and rods
am i to look round and revert the inverted
world we’ve created in my full heart.
how am i to relearn to see, see you taking
wing, feathered, picking yourself up from the
mess i’ve been, like my bed after you,
in your whole life.

my tears come with difficulty, force
themselves out of me and fall with thuds
to my thighs. these are the nights full
of stars and friends, where i see the drift
of time swallow me as though i were a single
kernel and not this dynamic cataclysm.