a prayer

make a list...ten things you want to be or do before you die. treat it like you just found out you have cancer. make a list of the ten most important things to you. 10.

1. love. every aspect of love in all it's heart rending, confusion causing, god in my chest, love! everything about it. i want love. love that is without object, yet embodied. love that lasts and that i'll never take for granted.

2. wisdom. i want to know the difference between what i think i know and what actually is in the heart of what i call god. i want my decisions to have the weight of my past lives years in them. wisdom, the ability to distinguish the truth of this moment from the "truth" in my head or the "facts" at hand.

3. humility. i want to know how little i know without being discouraged by it. i want to look in the mirror and be at ease with my flaws. slip out from under my vanity. humility, to realize how very little i matter if i only matter to me.

4. enlightenment. yes, a big one. no, not impossible. i already am, so says buddha. but...my eyes open so slowly to this fact that i wonder and wonder. i bet if i didn't wonder i would see through seeing and touch the heart of existence. may this be for all of us.

5. travel. to see this perfect, and sometimes terribly marred, earth. to breathe it in and breathe out my love (as a friend wrote in a poem). to pick up the pints and ploughs of the reaches of this planet. ah, to inhale the scents of lands i've never seen. to carry home in my pocket, and my heart on my sleeve. this must happen.

6. writing. i want to write something that i think is worthy of further inspection, publication. i want to explore my mind fully enough that my ideas are not just bursts of inspiration. to remain inspired. i think love might be holding hands with this one.

7. freedom from addiction. this seems so damn serious. and i suppose this one really is. i could be so much more. i could much more easily achieve some of these "goals" if i weren't addicted to substances. this also must happen by a strengthening of my will. and it will!

8. health. since i was quite young, i've said to myself: may i never be unable to do whatever i want to do because i just physically can't. so far, for the most part, i've been true to that dream. i know that youth doesn't last forever and i want to be healthy as i age. this is something i have confidence in, and i am proud of my health. but i must never let this fall aside.

9. to teach. i've found that i have a knack for teaching. things that i do well, i tend to be able to teach well. i want this to go further, for people to be able to learn great and interesting things from me. i want to inspire people to help each other know things.

10. peace. this world has been so violent to itself for so long. in my lifetime i would love to see a united planet. people more interested in love than in patriotism or themselves. i heard somewhere that everything we do is for love. from the cereal we buy to the jobs we work, no matter how mundane, it's all for love. if that is the case, what could possibly be worth fighting for. let's return home and see our childhoods and remember being held. let's forget what weapons are for. i want peace, inside-from my mind and my hearts rebellions; and outside-for the world not to have to bleed so much for so little.

10. just ten. make yourself a list. it's urgent. you could pass from this life at any moment. quit worrying and make a list you can believe in. then believe in it...it's you.