on leaving

sometimes in the evening
things happen for no reason
and we wander, learning
how to respond, instead
end up crying dark
at the windows a spread
spot on a pillow how
to feel again

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

walking concentric circles around myself. want not to hurt people, but there's a minefield in my heart. and i see how much trouble i was as a martyr. it sucks just as much being on this side of things. and she's so quiet. doesn't cry out and bang down the door. just hangs her head and i feel both of our hearts: mine quietly stepping back into a loneliness that i sensually don't even want, her crumbling in the chest that old familiar sinking. oh, love, i wish words could ever be enough. actions make just as little sense. breathe peace. breathe.